As namaah_darling  says, this needs attention.  Save the postal service. 

I don't know whether to blame Iron Man, Marguerite Henry, or the muse for this new plotbunny, but I have to blame something.  Grrr.  Total AU, and it even came with a title, which I'm not going to put here because it gives too much away, but--sheesh.  

I didn't need this.  I really didn't!